Sunday, July 30, 2006
end of choir duty today.
jump, jump.
shake butt, shake butt.
sing sing.
hands swaying in the air.
Father. can you see us waving at you?
He's beaming benignly at us.
worship has been brought to higher level of understanding. i'm on a higher platform, figuratively and literally, closer and closer to Him. i see the Lord from different angles. the anointing of the Holy Spirit is so strong. i feel like power and blessings are shooting out of my fingertips. :)
it's the first time i jump out of my heart, out of pure willingness. not because people are around me jumping, not out of obligation. not because pastor say jump. but because i really want to shout HALLELUJAH and PRAISE THE LORD! i'm worshipping God not my way, not your way, but i am worshipping God God's way! remember pastor khong's sermon during the new year bash?
i have also learnt to come clean before God, heart free of distractions, burdens casted aside.
i'm gonna bring the heart of worship, the spirit of thanksgiving, the joy of the Lord into the cell, into the network, into the congregation! c'mon fooolks! let's dance before the King! psalm 149:3 -->praise His name with dancing, accompanied by tambourine and harp. :)
and it's the same God we are worshipping, up on stage or amongst the people. :D yesterday, today and forever. :D
i'm a happy levite! ;D
He's my way
Saturday, July 29, 2006
"愛する皆さん。 あなたがたの人生は、多くの困難と誘惑に満ちていますか。 そうであれば、喜びなさい。 行く道の険しさは、忍耐を養う良いチャンスとなるからです。 忍耐力を十分に養いなさい。 さまざまな問題が持ち上がった時、そこから逃げ出そうと、もがいてはいけません。 忍耐力が十分身につけば、完全に成長した、どんなことにもビクともしない、ねばり強い性格の持ち主になれるでしょう。 " - james 1:2-4
what hit me was that kami-sama uses nasai-kei. yokorobinasai. he commands us. not yokorobu, not yokorobimasu, not yokoronde, but yokorobinasai. and my bible only says trouble, it doesn't say jinsei no oooku no kunnan to youwaku. it was like -PHROOOAAAH- when the verse jumped out at me. i have always felt rather acquainted with the book of james because it was the first book nicole told me to read. until today, i felt so comforted whenever i read the book of james, all over again and again. ah, arigatou.
oh. use unicode if you wanna read the verse.
i went for the uk pre-departure briefing today instead of college day. both are equally a waste of time, but i think the latter would have been a better choice. -shrieks- the girls at the ucl booth all have thick accent. hmmmm. i don't feel like making new friends. grrr. 6 more weeks! so much things to do. feel unsettled.
let my heart break for the things that broke God's heart.
He's my way
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this is anna. .jpg)
yafen likes to bully anna.
we studied in delifrance at the airport in the second half of the year. we mugged hard until yafen had to tie the strong of the hood of the jacket to keep her head from bursting and the stuff she memorised from flowing out of her ears.
nonetheless, i still like anna. and anna still likes me. (i think. haha)
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p.s. and we both love this winter coat from mango! but i have excuse to buy she doesn't! but i haven't/won't buy it.
this is the end of our story. thank you.
He's my way
Friday, July 28, 2006
baptism.
what a sweet sound to this word. witnessed the baptism of ying chao and jennifer today! woohoo! praise the Lord! i so wanna get baptised. i have this secret desire to get baptised before i go to london since i started fantasizing about studying overseas. effectively, it should be august. public affirmation of my faith! :D felt a tinge of pride as my cell sisters entered the baptism pool. the angels must be throwing the biggest party and rejoicing! as i ambled home basking in the soft glow of the moon (ok larh. today got no moon. :D), i was thinking, sigh. i think i have to wait for fifteen centuries before i get baptised. faithless? you'll be the judge. i know that at least one day i will be baptised. and with this, i shelved the thought to the back of my mind.
when i was home, my sis went " EH EH EH come here i show you a sms"
"from who?"
"fang siang larh."
fang siang is my jie's cell leader.
"haha why. she scold you again arh."
" no larh. you come and read larh."
her sms went" dear, i think it is time for you to step into the waters of baptism. yada yada. (ok i can't remember the back part.)"
-gasps-
and then i remembered one of my sister's friend saying that God said that by the end of the year, our whole family will be baptised. i thought that it is ridiculous because at that juncture, mum was violently allergic to church. let's do some simple math. you see, i'm flying off in mid september. so, effectively, the only month left in the year is AUGUST. o Lord, is this what you want me to do? i scared. :( but i want. :) seems difficult.
JIE! DO SOMETHING! QUICK! and don't pretend you never read this! YOU DO!
anyway, as i was strolling home, i was suddenly thankful for the roads we have. thank you Heavenly Daddy! :) i am grateful that we have roads made of tar and an excellent drainage system to the extent that floods are seldom heard of. i thank God that we do not have dirt/soil paths that transforms into sticky gooey mud that cakes the soles of your slippers. i thank You so much for the established transport system in singapore, albeit slightly costly. at least there still is transport. :) i appreciate the cement in place of the soil. thank you soo much. amen!
praise the Lord!
o Father in heaven, i thank you soo much for the good dreams you give me! and in the name of Jesus Christ, i reject the bad dreams! i'm scared, Lord.
He's my way
Monday, July 24, 2006
be still.
halt.
be still.
do you see Him? He witnessed you; struggling against the tumultuous grey clouds; running towards where the ominous side looms. by yourself. do you see Him? He sees you. strutting around with arrogance hanging in the air, blessings taken for granted. you have forgotten Him, have you not? do you see Him? gentlemenly, the Almighty One is. violate human will, He will not. can you not sense Daddy brimming with overwhelming, unconditional love?
stop. look. listen.
He is there, till the end of time.
do you see Him?
do you want to see Him?
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once upon a time, ah^ya dared to chase her dreams. ah^ya lived her dreams and fear never gripped her. once upon a time, zest and zeal filled my soul. i dared to venture into unchartered waters. i remember the teachers saying that we are going to fall in a death trap should we carry out our expedition. with an incompetent leader(who fortunately left us just 10 days before our expedition), completely student-initiated, and to a rural village where no yep teams ever set foot on, indeed it seemed ominous. i didn't care. so did the other 24. a roller coaster ride of emotions, but we did it. extremely stubborn, so said the teachers. once upon a time, pure and innocent hearts yearning to impact lives around them took baby steps to live their dreams.
remember the poor, pastor eugene said. remember the poor again.
where is the compassion within me? where? how can i walk past tissue vendors and flag sellers without even turning my head? has working in a vwo hardened my heart? am i disappointed with the cruelty in this cold and brutal world? am i burnt out?
2 weeks ago, i was at toa payoh central. i encountered this indian old men perched in his wheelchair, stumps, in place of feet, swinging merrily to the momentum of the hustle bustle of the rushing crowds. he's a tissue vendor, casted right to the side of the pavement where no one seems to care. i went up to uncle to purchase some tissue. uncle was gregarious. i asked uncle if business is good. a slight shake of the head followed.
"aiyo. no good larh. nowadays people just don't stop to buy." uncle lamented. he gave me an extra packet of tissue.
the day after, i met another tissue vendor at bedok. uncle was tanned and was able-bodied. i walked past him, quickening my pace to hide my guilty conscience. my sister asked why did i not stop just like the day before. though looking back, uncle looked slightly dazed and delirious, i felt that this uncle should be able to do some kind of work instead of resorting to selling tissue. he can do something. alas, who am i to judge? am i right to hold this kind of mindset? this is highly debatable. i am highly skeptical too because there are evil people (my sister said) who take advantage of poor, lonely elderly folks and people who are mentally or physically challenged. the vendors get a commission from selling the tissues because the evil people are er. suppliers. maybe they get 10cents per tissue packet. i don't know. :(
and i still feel a tinge of guilt whenever i walk past that uncle in bukit merah central. cause i can't do anything.
more than a month ago, when i was trudging to y camp with slight unreluctance buried deep within my heart, qi and i stopped to buy ice-cream from an uncle outside st. gab's. i do not remember what he looks like. we chatted. uncle said that it was really tough to endure the sweltering heat of the sun to vendor ice cream, given his age. we traded casual remarks about the weather, about life, about me, about him. uncle works 7 days a week, yet sales are plunging. before i left with my extra big slab of ice cream, he cajoled me to encourage my peers to support the ice cream vendors.
on top of all these, those uncles are probably...lonely too. i always think that lonely is a sad, sad word. sabishii. will you stop to chat to them?
o Lord, grant me the serenity to accept things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference. Heavenly Father, place deep within me compassion that i will never lose. help me to remember the poor again. teach me to shrug off any indifference inside of me. help me to love these people. show me how to appreciate things around me. amen.
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this is the first time i am blogging on my bed, using my new lappie. :D i can't wait for moh to return me my money cause my bank account looks sorely dismal.
to the girl i met today: hello sylvia, it's you right? :P this is here because my tag will be too long. hahhaa. anyway, i just wanna tell you in case i never see you again. when i was shrinking into cowardice, thinking of hiding all my writings from the prying eyes of this world and hoping that the email gets deleted or lost or pastor's laptop get burnt or something, you popped up and mentioned the testimony. ah, how timely our Heavenly Daddy reveals Himself. and our good ol' Lord gently reminded me of His purpose in my life. to mold me, to use me; to share with others His wondrous work in my life. He used you to talk to me today (even though you didn't know.). thank you. (but i think i will still shriek when i see my testimony on the livingstones blog. hahaha.)
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i love the way kokorobosoi rolls off my tongue. do you remember what it means? it doesn't mean happy. oh no, your jap has regressed. and so has mine. it means helpless.
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disclaimer: i'm insomnic tonight. it is 240am. (my normal bedtime is before 12. haha.) the lappie is cranky. people are not replying my sms-es. i miss people. and thus i am cynical. :) and so explains the lengthy entry. :)
He's my way
Friday, July 21, 2006
jealous cell sister no. 1: jennifer goh wan sze! i realised i don't have a picture with her alone. she's the first one from the right. take a look at her! :D
jealous cell sister no. 2: crystal yong yu min. HAIYO EH! ur face big big. :D the cell sister i went for encounter camp with. initially i was afraid of lianism. but. it ceased to exist. :) turned out to be a great sister in christ. HAHA. :D
jealous cell sister no.3: jennifer chandra. hahaha. this was before choir rehearsal yesterday. :Dah^ya ate 3 mint sweets at a go. (ok i snatched 2 from xiaowen. :D) that resulted energiser-bunny-behaviour. i first met chandra at the 2004 G12 conference. :)
He's my way
oh pastor, please please PLEASE lose my stupid article so that it won't be on the livingstones blog. i hum chee. :D please accidentally delete that email. please burn your computer. please forget all about it. yeah. ok at least he doesnt read this (i think.) or else he will be chasing me with a parang if his lappie burns out of the blue. cause it will be MY fault. HAHA.
hmm. jingz's gonna be gone in 3 weeks or so. who am i going to sms when i find a good makan place? who am i going to sms whenever i see something silly? who is going to answer all my questions? who am i going to go out with? who is going to pig out with me? who am i going to laugh at? who is going to laugh at me? who will i go shopping with? who is going to buy the same things as me? who is going to practise cheapoism with me? who will i feel at ease with now? whose hand will i hold?:( i feel like i'm lamenting the loss of a lover. hmm. hahhahaha. AIYO JINGZ! :( wait till 18th september leh. :(
anyway, anyway, it's been rather strange. i received 2 emails from 2 different dsa colleagues on 2 consecutive days. ooh. i miss my students loooads. :( when o when can i go back? how o how can i go back? in my brief 5 months working there, i've learnt alot. it is so different compared to interacting with them on an adhoc basis compared to the past 2 years. i no longer see the slanty eyes, the short built, the absence of the nose bridge or the so-called down syndrome symptoms in them. instead, i see ben. i see weijian. i see laura. i see june. i see all of them as individuals. i no longer have the mentality that "OH. i am working with people with down syndrome." instead, i walk into class thinking that "OH. i am working with john grace and johnson today." i'm glad that a suitable job is allocated to johnson ---> reading the bible to those who are in transition as st. andrew's austism centre. it totally suits him! yes, i always feel so ashamed whenever overwhelming faith bubbles out of him. if he can do it, why can't i? he loooves God so much, worship and idolising has been brought to a higher level of understanding. it broke my heart when weijian said to me a few months back," eh yafen. i am down syndrome. that's why i come to this aep workshop. you know? i am down syndrome. i am down syndrome. but i don't wanna come anymore." ah^ya became highly defensive of weijian. no weijian, you are not down syndrome, you are a PERSON with down syndrome. that's right, you are a person, just like me, just like karen, just like siti, just like people on the streets. you have 2 eyes, so do i! you have a nose, so do i! you like to be happy, and i am just the same as you! you just have one more chromosome than me. you can still travel independently. you can do so many things! if only society didn't judge you from what you CANNOT do to what you CAN do. ask them not to magnify your disability. make it a handicap, not a disability. go on, adovocate for your rights! you can do it! june, gabby, show people what you are SO capable of. you 2 are so talented, excel in your work place! i'm saddened that laura doesn't go to aep anymore. :( laura learnt how to write this year, and she loves it. ok she didn't learn how to write, she learnt how to hold a pen and made marks on a paper. but this is a huge improvement! oooooh. ben yao. :) haha. i love the way sunshine radiates from his face when he smiles. :) you've come a long way, my dear gombak beng. continue to prove to the world what you are capable of! i miss the kisses (even from john grace. ha!), i miss the million hugs, i even miss the pinching and the slapping. :) you guys always brighten up my day. why o why is the staff turnover rate so high. all the colleagues who were with me in jan are gone, gone, GONE. some of them are non verbal because they didnt learn how to speak when they were young. no early childhood intervention in the past. don't worry, i'll go and study hard and be a good speech therapist. :) i'll work from my heart. no. what i am most afraid of is being burnt out. and losing the passion. i love you guys. :) when karen sent me the email with the photos of them, she said that the clients and her miss me loads. waaaah. i nearly melted into a puddle cause i didn't realise how much i miss them. :( oh man oh man. :( i was grinning like a looney when i saw the photos. hahaha. so many people wanna help you guys. you guys have touched many lives, including mine. though i was your trainer, you all taught me many valuable lessons that others can't. i saw jonathan szeto, jessica's sister, at the world down syndrome congress in march. he was like "eh you are still here!" yuuuuup. he's taking something related to this field. i love you guys! really. :)
when ah^ya types like this, with no colour, read it at your own risk. cause it is just haphazard and incoherent thoughts jammed in her head. and normally, it isn't meant for people to read unless they really wanna read.
and pardon me for the english, for it is close to 1am.
He's my way
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
jie finally graduated! wheee! first grad from our family! look how happy mum and dad look. :) congratulations and celebrations! :) too bad chang hao's principal thought that he wanted to watch the world cup finals and thus did not grant him permission to come for jie's commencement. aiyo. but i wont graduate from here. siaaaaan. i'll be in a sea of angmohs.
look at xiao xiong! so sorrowful! aiyo my uncle entrusted me with the task of thinking of an english name for xiao xiong. i like asher but he doesn't. how?
my cell group 2 weeks ago. :D joanne looks really really really really really funny. jocelyn looks really really really happy. but THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DAO PHOTO! :( boo. haha. i feel like laughing whenever i see this. oh do you know?!?! joanne was my neighbour for 10 years! and we even shared the same school bus! except i found out a few days ago. and i have long moved away. 2 of them gave me 2 different cards with similiar contents on the same day.
this is where see cheong and zhipeng and i went that day. love it. brought jingz and ver there today. and we ate the hot fudge ice cream again! just a quaint old spot in the middle of town. :)
say hellooo to my lungs! :) oh yar yar, please do not go to ra**les medical group for whatever reason. (ok i scared they sue me and hence the asterix) they threw my urine away! :( so i had to produce a sample again. they forgot to take my blood! :( the nurses don't smile! and my blood pressure's rather weird. oh well.He's my way
Monday, July 17, 2006
sometimes.
sometimes, i don't mind leaving, i just don't wanna be left behind.
sometimes, i fluctuate between a spiritual high and an emotional low.
sometimes, i wish that people never discovered this blog. or i never started it.
sometimes, paranoia envelopes me.
sometimes, i wish i could cry more.
sometimes, i wish i mean what i pray. and i pray what i mean.
sometimes, self-consciousness ain't that good.
sometimes, i get intimidated by the hullabaloo in church.
sometimes, i wish i never known you.
sometimes, i want to talk more.
sometimes, i want to speak less.
sometimes, i don't wanna stay in a concrete jungle. i want to stay in a kampong.
sometimes, i can't wait for school to start.
sometimes, i wish i love God more.
just sometimes.
the Holy Spirit is our first recourse, not our last resort.
sometimes, i don't mind leaving, i just don't wanna be left behind.
sometimes, i fluctuate between a spiritual high and an emotional low.
sometimes, i wish that people never discovered this blog. or i never started it.
sometimes, paranoia envelopes me.
sometimes, i wish i could cry more.
sometimes, i wish i mean what i pray. and i pray what i mean.
sometimes, self-consciousness ain't that good.
sometimes, i get intimidated by the hullabaloo in church.
sometimes, i wish i never known you.
sometimes, i want to talk more.
sometimes, i want to speak less.
sometimes, i don't wanna stay in a concrete jungle. i want to stay in a kampong.
sometimes, i can't wait for school to start.
sometimes, i wish i love God more.
just sometimes.
the Holy Spirit is our first recourse, not our last resort.
He's my way
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
ah^ya says:so are u going to be a good boy when u go there
-danielpoh- says:YEs YEs!
-danielpoh- says:of course
ah^ya says:dun luan luan lai arh
-danielpoh- says:haha i still quite worried u lose it there!
-danielpoh- says:haha
ah^ya says:I SLAP U LEH
ah^ya says:i wont larh
ah^ya says:i got God.
-danielpoh- says:haha
-danielpoh- says:sometimes cant help it one u noe
ah^ya says:daniel poh, have more trust in me!
ah^ya says:yar
-danielpoh- says:well u should noe!
-danielpoh- says:haha
ah^ya says:but God will take away the cant-help-it feeling wat
-danielpoh- says:orhhh
-danielpoh- says:icic
-danielpoh- says:ur god power sia
ah^ya says:of course larh
ah^ya says:my God loves u too
ah^ya says:haha
-danielpoh- says:realli?
-danielpoh- says:so u must have more faith in me!
-danielpoh- says:i wun luan luan lai onehee!
he actually sounded convinced that my God loves him. :) daniel poh, God really loves you! sigh. if only you get to know the Lord.
and i sound like a barbaric ah lian when i talk to him. i'm sorry, i can't help it, it was the hougang lingo crawling out.
He's my way
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
what ah^ya wanted/wants to be:
1) to be a doctor! i wanted to be a doctor for 11 years of my life. i wanted to be a doctor since 5 and gave up that dream when i was 16. i do not know why i gave up that dream. i remember always playing the isha isha game when i was young. i operated on dolls and listened to heartbeats with my toy stethoscope. i wrote a composition in japanese on my ambition to be a doctor in sec 4 and it was published somewhere. and i gave my dreams up. but, no regrets. :)
2) to work in tokyo disneyland! i still want to work in disneyland. if the opportunity arises, i will seriously consider working there for half a year or so. unfortunately, at the prime of my life, i will be bonded to ministry of health. and by the time i finish my bond, i will be too old to work in disneyland.
oh! i want to be in the disneyland parade! prancing along the streets like this cupcake. i don't mind being a snow flake or a gingerbread man. i want to light up faces with smiles. :D
or to be a mascot like cinderella and her prince. :D i don't mind being one of the dwarves or chip and dale or goofy. i don't have to be pretty or glamorous. :D these angmohs speak japanese with an angmoh accent. so shocked when i first heard it! and they speak japanese! :D
to make people as happy as this little boy here. :) he was 3 years old when i took a photo of him. he's half japanese, half korean. he could understand english. :) he's totemo kawaii. :)
and i will be happy. :) look how happy i was when i first went to disneyland with tkgs. this picture was taken on our way to disneyland. :D i nearly melted into a puddle of happiness when i was inside. beautiful.
3) to be a tour guide! bring tours to japan.
to see the asakusa temple. (and to disneyland. HAHA.) until my mum screamed at me and said STUDY SO MUCH FOR WHAT!
4) to be a chemist. haha. i know i'm a geek, but i actually enjoyed chemistry and i liked to do chem s questions. but this phase lasted only for a very short while. it started when i was about to give up my dreams and it ended when i revived hope. :D
5) to be a linguist. i like to play with words though my command of language isn't that strong. i want to learn japanese spanish french bahasa melayu cantonese yada yada. i'm gonna to study linguistics in uni! -gasp- the angmohs haar i heard the engrish all very the powderful one leeh. then hooow haar. i the english not very the kiang, they pili pala i also dun really the understoood leh. i wanna take up japanese in school again!
6) to be a missionary in japan. most japanese are shintos or buddhists, minority being christians. they need missionaries in there! but my japanese has regressed. yucks. i feel so ashamed to tell people that i passed my jlpt level 2. -roaaar-
7) to be a humanitarian. my aim is to go to africa or a third world country and stay there for a year before i'm 30. but then again, if i go to africa and get malaria, i will die because i am g6pd deficient. but then again, i have God. haha. but would my presence be an impact to the people there? do they really need me there? or is it just going to be a superficial effect? will it be sustainble? what will i learn? what will they gain? or will i be burdening them?
8) to be a social worker. 'nuff said.
9) to be an outdoor camp instructor/ obs instructor. but then i think i cannot make it. and i find it very difficult to ra ra the crowds. so this idea just flitted by.
10) to be a special education teacher. my working stint in down syndrome association made me realised that this is actually a pretty admirable profession.
11) to be an advocate for people with special needs. some things ain't that easy to change. do you think they are handicapped or they are disabled? i guess locally they are disabled, they are not handicapped. they do not have enough room to reach their full potential. rigidity of the singapore government. oh well.
12) to be a policy-maker. because instead of sharing my flame with one candle, i will be able to light up thousands of other candles. (like what i told andrew kuan during the psc interview.) a candle loses nothing by lighting up another candle. :)
12) to be a speech therapist. wait a moment, i am going to be one! :D God has led me thus far. i chose speech therapist over doctor because personally i feel that i can spend more time with my patients. (and i don't have to study until i die) but then again, that is probably a stereotype cause i don't understand their system. anyway, thank you, pontip. stay sanguine and chirpy, i'm going back to see how i can help you with my skills. please be there when i go back.
He's my way
Monday, July 10, 2006
ZIDANE GOT RED-CARDED!what's this man. why is he so impulsive! :( sigh sigh sigh. what a shame to end such a beautiful career this way. :( but italy wasn't that bad. let's give them some credit. why isn't england even in the semi-finals. :( no more matches. no more late nights. candice, qi and jingz slept the match away yesterday. :P
hmmm. i don't know, maybe it is because i'm reading following the wrong god home by catherine lim now, but i'm starting to wonder more about the foreign workers who worked hard to come here, just to earn a living and support their family back in their homeland. and only the more fortunate ones reach our sunny island. some of them aren't treated like human. they are traded and sold like pigs in the market. the less fortunate ones will be boguht by pirates and meanies and from then they will serve as prostitutes. not easy for them to come here you know. and once they are here, they will face discrimination from the general public (people like xiaxue. boo. she deserves to be banned.) the men will stay in cramped living quarters not fit for human. yet most of them persevere on. for money? do they deserve this kind of treatment. oh well. i'm too immature to understand many things. but i guess.. happiness is relative. please help me to know how blessed i am. jolt me with the reality of this cruel world. thank you Father, for loving me and blessing me so much.
resilience reigns. it's good to see people bouncing back, coming out of shells of depression. i was feeling supernaturally happy in church yesterday, feeling eccentrically happy for no reason. i was so overwhelmed with joy that i felt like i was leaving my skin behind on earth and i could soar towards the sky. was i really joyous? o Lord, i want to love You from the inside out. fill me with a longing for You. let me thirst for Your presence. i know this is what You want and this is what i want and this is what we both want. what's so difficult?! -slaps myself- but, without struggles, there won't be victories. Lord, fill me with child-like faith i once held so strongly onto. Lord, rejuvenate me. Lord, 2 sided relationship. not one. not input from you only.
Lord, tasukete. ai ga mottitai desu.
"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."- 1 corinthians 15:58
He's my way
Friday, July 07, 2006
my date and i. :D except that this photo was taken half a month ago. :D 
3 of us. myself, huimin and michelle. OH. i MUST do something to my hair. :(
i was once in that hideous green uniform. 10 piece suit leh. -___- it has gone out of fashion. eecks.
look at candice's heels! :D not bad hooooor. :)
He's my way
my million dollar question to you:
SHOULD I CUT MY stupid HAIR?
sigh.
o Lord, c'mon, c'mon, rejuvenate your poor lil' child over here.
there are some stuff i'm not happy about with my scholarship organisation but what if they don't wanna give me my scholarship anymore?! i better keep my mouth shut. they might be reading this now! (yeaaaah right.)
i dated candice on the 5th. :D she looks fabulously womanly. :) so off we went to victoria concert hall, with candice wincing all the way because of her ridiculously high heels. ah. tk band standard has plummeted. or were we once like that too? i don't know.
i admit, i miss the flute. and i miss the piccolo. i miss the thrill of running the notes in the highest octave, irritating everyone in the vicinity. (hoho. that's because i'm the highest instrument in the whole band.) the reason why i joined band in junior college was because during the joint concert with minnesota band, diana mahr seemed rather impressed with us (or maybe she was feigning it. HAHA.) and before she left she said "just keep playing the flute ok? just keep playing the flute." and i did. playing side by side with a professional band was a marvellous experience. the musical exchange to japan was one of the best memories in my band life. my section was struck with the obsessive-tuning syndrome. we tuned every single note. ok. enough. i will go on and on. and it's almost dinner time. maybe some other time when the words can flow out smoothly. my words are stuck within me now. -hmprhhh-
everyone say amen.
amen.
He's my way
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
my handphone is exploding.
dot.
i want to go to london. pronto.
He's my way
Monday, July 03, 2006
mum's graduated from university! :D haha. just joking, that's part of my sister's graduation gown. :D
i offered to help mum change the bedsheets. she declined, she said we must mop the floor first. so i offered to mop the floor. she declined, she said that must wash the toilet first. then i offered to wash the toilet, she said cannot. cause must go in some particular order. -_______- ok. then i laughed and laughed and laughed. how to help!
He's my way
some see more vibrancy than others.
i came back from camp one night early. i think crystal and jennifer prayed too hard for me. sad to say, i went to camp without the right mindset and the right attitude, sorely disappointed with the management, with the way things were done, with myself. my beneficiary didn't come/i didn't have one. i didn't know which one. i wasn't told. i was told that if i have one she/he would come later. i don't agree with alot of things. the backbone of the camp was not stable and we spent hours waiting. let's see, what did we do on the first day? oh. i can't remember. and thus, i had no responsibilities. and thus, i could come out. and thus, i could go for post encounter and service. and thus, i could catch the england-portugal match. however, without responsibilities, i feel like a shrivelled up toad. and i shirk from delegation of responsibilities when i know that i have none. i feel a slight sense of pique. oh well. though i always say imperfection is beauty on its own, i guess i never did fully understand that statement. i don't seek perfection among my students who are cognitively challenged but i seek perfection from people around me. am i magnifying their disability and being guilty of handicapism? am i doubting their abilities? this camp has brought that statement to a higher level of understanding. life doesn't always have to be a perfectly manicured lawn. weeds and wild grasses sprouting out from nowhere may seem good at times too. even from people around me. and myself. and yes, jane, prayers do work. in a way most unexpectedly.
ENGLAND IS OUT!!!!! :(((((( i'm devastated. totally. sigh. i do not have any more teams to support. :((( i'm boycotting world cup! (yeah right.) sigh. england could have gotten into the semis u knooow. i was all geared up to support them for the semis! sigh. :( then i thought, maybe i will support brazil. and THEY ARE OUT TOOO! :((((( what a bad, bad world cup. spain is out. brazil is out. england is out. :(
i was really glad that we had cell yesterday. it's been a long time. maybe, it's been a long time since it was conducted under formal settings. :) God wants me to do something, He has been telling me so many times. i know what He wants. i want to do it too, but i can't. oh. help. somebody. anybody. help.
You hold me now in Your arms and never let me go.
He's my way
