my weekend starts from tomorrow! :D yeaah! we're going to sentosa tomorrow! full day outing. :D with the aep people. :) i think that their lives are more interesting and fulfilling than alot of people. on friday, i'm going to temasek poly for the pushcart thing again. as if anyone buys.
my days in down syndrome association are numbered. just about 10 more days. i'll miss my students! :( a few weeks ago, i asked johnson a question. (he's my student.)
me: eeeh johnson! so who is your best friend ar?
in my mind, i expected him to say God cause he truly is madly in love with God. head over heels in fact.
johnson: -mumbles- you.
me: har? who?
johnson: -looks at me with a secret grin- you la! yoou!
surprised. very surprised. i have only known johnson for five months. as a trainer (oh i work at down syndrome association), i have to discipline him sometimes. people with special needs have such a small social circle that their friends are actually also people with special needs only. and their teachers/trainers. they are lonely.who wants to be their friend? it is not just a once off thing. bringing them out for lunch or to escape once or twice is not considered being their friend. it's a lifelong commitment. who wants to take up this responsibility? who?! can i? may i? how can i?
i was at bukit merah central just now. there was this wheelchair-bound old man with black, wizened legs dangling in mid air. his appearance was unkempt. he was selling the big sweep tickets by the side of the pavement. when i was ambling past, he happened to be drinking coffee, or rather, struggling to drink coffee. the packet of coffee was hung at the side of the wheelchair and it was at waist level. his hands were twisted into strange positions, and it seemed like it was still entangled in the jaws of stroke. must have been painful. and there he was, with glasses that seemed to magnify his eyes, bent to waist level to drink his coffee. he was incapable of using his hands.
i stopped. should i walk over to help him or would his streak of determination to prove his independence be too strong for me? should i offer monetary help? i can't buy big sweep tickets. i walked away. selfish. i did not do anything. i did not think i could do anything.
my cousin has cancer. his mum is dead. his dad is a compulsive gambler and a bookie. his brother was in jail. no one wants to help them. not even my mum. i cant do anything.
don't tell me a smile goes a long way. i feel so useless cause i cant help any of those i mentioned. haha. just another day when i feel like i want to save the world but i can't.
God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble- psalm 46:1
me.
ah^ya
child of God
25th september 1987
18-going-19
hougang kindergarten
st. hilda's primary school
tanjong katong girls' school
victoria junior college
soon-to-be university college london :)
