i'll be the one 2 shout Your fame

Monday, May 29, 2006

the office comp's keyboard is still oily because of the egg tart i dropped on it last week. ah. nvm. i'm leaving here in 3 days. but, my fingers are oily now. :(

hmm. do i think too much? i was at the food fair yesterday. there was this beggar, shabbily dressed in oversized shirt and shoes. but i'm glad that God provided him/her (ok i couldnt see his/her face. he/her was busily shoving spoonfuls of food into his/her mouth. he/her was devouring the food, like a starved tiger.) with food. and i pray that God will continue to provide meals for him/her. amen.

i brought 2 kids to the library on saturday. the elder brother, who is 11, is slightly cognitively impaired. the younger sister, who is 6, is a bright and obedient girl. ooh. and she is really pink. ha. :D the pair of siblings grew up in a chinese-speaking environment. just felt that though the sister is quite bright, her limited knowledge of the english language is going to hamper her academic progress. though she may know how to solve the math problem, but if she does not understand the question, she will be assessed as not having the skills to solve the problem. and she will be disadvantaged. even though the goverment is introducing the new scheme to the kindergartens and has after-school tuition for these children, is it effective? i do not know because i have not been through that system. but at least something is being done. i read 4 books to her but she could not read it independently. yet. she could identify all the pictures in chinese. aiya. then how now brown cow?

see, i told you i think too much. stop, yafen.

"oh God, that you would bless me and extend my lands! please be with me in all that i do and keep me free from all trouble and pain." - 1 chronicles 4:10

kinda glad that there was prayer meeting on saturday. recently, i have not been praying as fervently as before. God created this opportunity so that i will seek Him in prayer as faithfully as before. and i wanna hear His still small voice forever and ever more. i wanna cling onto His word like it is the fountain of life.

yes, i am going to pray the Jabez's prayer every morning and every night! Lord, help me to remember!

as i was on my way to expo after post-encounter yesterday, i was just so grateful and i was thanking the Lord for this magnificent journey with Him. yees, i see His works in my household. yes, my mum is much more liberal now. i can freely tell her that i am going to church. (but i dont dare to tell her im going for church camp. hahahhaa.) i can talk about my church friends. i pray that she will be more receptive towards Jesus and that one day she will be able to acknowledge Him as Saviour!

i see His works in my spiritual family too. this year, my cell group have bonded much more and cell group sessions arent no longer tortorous anymore. yes, i'm filled with joy as i meet my cell sisters now. yes, they are no longer acquaintances, no longer just a group of people i sit with during service, no longer people i take for granted. instead, i can know call them my cell sisters. my spiritual family. i learnt that there is no such thing as just God and me alone. in times when the devil blinds me, i cant see God and that's when my spiritual family comes in. to wake me up and tide me through all obstacles. Lord, stop me from being hermit-ty! was very assured when pastor said that he will never give us away to the woman's network or any other network.

i miss you, meijin! T_T amidst the tornado of events, be still and know that He is God. :)

~~He's~~ my way

Thursday, May 25, 2006

weijian bumbles into the room, half-kneels by the table where i am standing.

weijian: -hands clasped into begging position- yafen don't resign leh. don't resign.

yafen: -bewildered- har?

yafen looks at karen.

weijian: -hands still clasped into begging position- yafen i like you very much. don't resign leh. i beg you, i beg you. don't leave. i like you very much. yafen don't go, yafen don't go.

yafen looks at karen.

yafen: -in a happy voice. exact opposite of what she was feeling.- weejee! i have to leave. i am going to london to study and i am going to learn alot alot of things there. after i study and learn so many things, i am going to come back and teach you again. i am going to teach you the many many things i learnt ok? ok? ok anot weejee?

weijian: -whines-

yafen: c'mon weejee!

-pause-

that was my student. but weijian, i have to go. i will miss you guys. :(

~~He's~~ my way

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

hmm.

payday came and left. but i still do not have my pay! T_T

let me share something with you.

"Just back to office.

Thanks for the update.

I have something else to share.

We nominated VJC for an award on our partnership for the under no roof event.

VJC was given honorable mention and a plaque for your volunteering efforts.

Our National Director, Mr Yong Teck Meng would like to present the plaque to your principal.

Hope you would be able to help liaise with VJC and arrange for us to do it during assembly time and give us a few minutes of talk time…ha..ha..

Thanks
Ms SIM Hwee Kiang
Programme Manager
Habitat for Humanity Singapore"

yippee. :) we have paved the road for our juniors. juniors, jia you le! keep the passion alive!

Lord, Lord, why do you always wake me up in the middle of the night? why do you always make me pray for somebody in the middle of the night yet SOMETHING always happens to that person? :( am i not praying hard enough? :( Lord, guide me.

~~He's~~ my way

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I'M A MURDERER! :(

yesterday i murdered mr laminating machine (let's call him ah lam for short). :( i fed it paper and it never got laminated. it went in and it never came out. i attempted a bypass on ah lam but i couldnt find the right scalpel (aka screwdriver). when i finally cut open ah lam's body, he was gone. he choked to death on paper. :( i was the cause of it. i should have conducted CPR when i knew that something was amiss. instead, i let his condition deterioriate. i laid hands and prayed for ah lam, but still, he did not come back to life.

rest in peace, ah lam.

today was lagi worse. when i arrived at DSA, there was a colony of a few hundred flies at the doorstep! but they were all dead. i thought. apparently, they sprayed baygon last night to wipe out the flies. i was givem the honour to sweep them away and to pluck the flies who were stuck to the cupboard. lo and behold, half of them were still wriggling on the ground! and i murdered many! :( so sad. :( poor flies.

rest in peace, flies.

oh maaan. monogoloid is a bad word. i dont understand how some people can use such a crude term. anyway, as i amble out to work every morning, i pass by the same girl everyday. yes. she looks very young.. maybe even younger than i am. she is either filipino/indonesian. at 730am every morning, she washes her owner's car. she's far away from her homeland. sometimes, a surge of sympathy rushes through me. she's a domestic servant and she's younger than me. if i put myself into her shoes, will i be happy washing cars and dishes for a living? is she happy? and i realised that happiness is relative. she may be feeling like she's at the top of the world. she's supporting her family and trying to break them out of the vicious cycle of poverty. though fear and uncertainty seem to envelope her, i still see a glimmer of hope flickering in her eyes. Lord, bless her and i pray that You will let joy fall upon her! transform her life and bless her with a life of miracles! :)

for the first time in a long long while, my bible is not in my bag. i thought that it would be really weird if i read the bible and do quiet time on the mrt because it is infested with people. and i saw someone reading the bible on the mrt today. for the first time. Lord, sorry! :( yes yes, i know that You are saying it is NOT weird at all. ok ok. tomorrow, my bible shall resume its original position.

You are the shepherd of my heart.

~~He's~~ my way

Sunday, May 21, 2006

yafen is feeling slightly demoralised in my walk with Daddy. yafen is in this phase where yafen feels hermit-ty. ok, that's a word yafen invented. (hermit-ty------> to behave like a hermit crab.) i want to shun the church people and hide in my world. with Daddy and me alone. but. no man stands alone. ecclesiastes 4:12 says that a person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. i know Daddy doesnt want me to reject him. but im not rejecting him. i just dont wanna share with anyone anymore.

this ain't the way, girl.

on a brighter note, my cousin got saved today! :) Praise the Lord! yeaaah! God always give me money. i'm gonna get a bonus when i leave DSA. yuup. quite a large sum to me, and boss said dun tell the others that i am given bonus because the rest do not have. and my pay is also higher than them. boss wants me to work part time after i leave DSA. hmmm. if i work part time in DSA, i do not have to find another job. but i want to be a cleaner leh.

The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. - 1st thessalonians 5:24

~~He's~~ my way

-ponders-

God is great. He listens. He answers those who seek Him sincerely. There are billions of people in the world yet He forks out time to listen to each and every one of us. everyone of us. our Heavenly Daddy knows what we want even before we ask or tell Him. He catches every single tear and transforms it to golden glitter. in the past, i did not dare to ask Daddy for anything. i thought that it was selfish of me (and the entire human population) to ask for my own heart's desires and wants when i am not bereft of my basic necessities such as food, clothes, housing, education. and the list goes on. Daddy wanted me to ask. He wanted me to ask Him and to have total dependence on Him. and I did. He answered every prayer. He gave me more than I asked for. God is great. He listens.

but, i'm still wondering. i know this should not be the way, but i'm still wondering.

anywaaay, chawang, the elephant who maimed its keeper a few years back, is ready to meet everyone again! chawang still has its tusks intact. from the photo in straits times la. which leads me to think about the elephants in thailand. their tusks are all removed. they are dressed in ridiculous, clownish attires and perform dances. bet they are often whipped behind the scenes when they are trained. i wouldnt want to have all my teeth pluck up, be dressed up ridiculously and perform dances to the audience. but, i have a choice. they dont. and the little monkeys in thailand. i saw them when i was still in kindergarten. the baby monkeys were dressed in pretty little dresses and they were chained to the table. everyone went OH SO CUTE SO CUTE. but it isnt. present tense. they dont deserve to be there. they belong to the wild. they need their mummies. did you not see the fear in their eyes?

watched the da vinci code with jingz and joseph today! it is an okay fiction movie. the book is much better! haha jingz is going for obs and i have to give her pre-obs counselling. i wonder if moh is sending me to obs too. i think so.

pardon me for the bad english, for it is 1:12am.

~~He's~~ my way

Friday, May 19, 2006

it's a FRIDAY!

jubilant.

whirlwind of thoughts. my head is throbbing.

my students and i went to sentosa yesterday! haa. we took alot of photos, but in order to protect the identity of my students, i am not at the liberty to put them up. the trip went pretty smoothly. met jocelyn and huiting there! how coincidental. :) i have not had the chance to talk to huiting yet. do hope that the opportunity will arise. :)

we went for the nature walk/dragon trail! yees, we all traipsed happily into the forest. they incorporated myths about how dragons invaded sentosa yada yada. however, in the middle of the hike, laura decided that she was too tired to continue walking and she sat in the shelter and refused to budge. the trainers spent half an hour persuading/threatening her to move but laura ended up rolling among the dead leaves and twigs. in the end, they carried her out of the forest. hahaha. and laura is about 70 kilograms. thank God i was dispatched to take care of the rest of the class.

we went to cinemania too! we were charged $5 instead of the usual $12.50. haha. i guess they did have alot of fun. :) gabby was screaming her lungs out throughout the ride cause she was scared of "daddysaur". :P kee kee was belching and belching in his seat and i was so afraid he would vomit. he was so afraid he burst into tears and demanded immediate exit. :)

it was fun. i will miss the hugs, the kisses, the compliments (OOH! ben just said "yafen you very cuute!" today! except it sounded like " yafen you very tuuuute"!), the cute antics, the pinches, the slaps, the unconditional love and the innocence so rare in us. but, on a brighter note, i'll still be volunteering once a week even after i leave my job. :)

you wanna know what Jesus means? Jesus means 'The Lord saves'!

oh. my boss is back. later. and hi simin! :)

~~He's~~ my way

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

i'm so certain i won't be a regular blogger. :P

my weekend starts from tomorrow! :D yeaah! we're going to sentosa tomorrow! full day outing. :D with the aep people. :) i think that their lives are more interesting and fulfilling than alot of people. on friday, i'm going to temasek poly for the pushcart thing again. as if anyone buys.

my days in down syndrome association are numbered. just about 10 more days. i'll miss my students! :( a few weeks ago, i asked johnson a question. (he's my student.)

me: eeeh johnson! so who is your best friend ar?

in my mind, i expected him to say God cause he truly is madly in love with God. head over heels in fact.

johnson: -mumbles- you.

me: har? who?

johnson: -looks at me with a secret grin- you la! yoou!

surprised. very surprised. i have only known johnson for five months. as a trainer (oh i work at down syndrome association), i have to discipline him sometimes. people with special needs have such a small social circle that their friends are actually also people with special needs only. and their teachers/trainers. they are lonely. who wants to be their friend? it is not just a once off thing. bringing them out for lunch or to escape once or twice is not considered being their friend. it's a lifelong commitment. who wants to take up this responsibility? who?! can i? may i? how can i?

i was at bukit merah central just now. there was this wheelchair-bound old man with black, wizened legs dangling in mid air. his appearance was unkempt. he was selling the big sweep tickets by the side of the pavement. when i was ambling past, he happened to be drinking coffee, or rather, struggling to drink coffee. the packet of coffee was hung at the side of the wheelchair and it was at waist level. his hands were twisted into strange positions, and it seemed like it was still entangled in the jaws of stroke. must have been painful. and there he was, with glasses that seemed to magnify his eyes, bent to waist level to drink his coffee. he was incapable of using his hands.

i stopped. should i walk over to help him or would his streak of determination to prove his independence be too strong for me? should i offer monetary help? i can't buy big sweep tickets. i walked away. selfish. i did not do anything. i did not think i could do anything.

my cousin has cancer. his mum is dead. his dad is a compulsive gambler and a bookie. his brother was in jail. no one wants to help them. not even my mum. i cant do anything.

don't tell me a smile goes a long way. i feel so useless cause i cant help any of those i mentioned. haha. just another day when i feel like i want to save the world but i can't.

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble- psalm 46:1

~~He's~~ my way

Monday, May 15, 2006

i'm in the office now. yikes. i do not like mondays.

i woke up 70 mins late, after the fabulous dream Daddy gave me. doves and rainbows. :D anyway, i decided to cab to telok blangah. however, after walking for a few hundred metres for about 20 minutes or so, there was still NO cabbie at all! when i finally gotten hold of a cabbie, the fare was soooo expensive( it was $16.50. wah. hougang to telok blangah only leh.) that my colleague had to come and save me. and after i arrived, i realised that my boss is on mc today. talk about waking up from the wrong side of bed!

and since boss is not here, it means that i have absolutely n.o.t.h.i.n.g to do today. ha. so i was at the liberty to set up my blog skin! and it's done! though there is no archives. how to do archives? and the old tags from 1 and a half years ago are still around!! hahahaha. this is my fourth blog.

my daughter's name is going to be ah moy smith, if i marry someone with the surname smith. sounds good right! :D

as we walk along the streets, take time to slow down and appreciate and give thanks for the little things around us! such as...
1) the eternal summer we are blessed with. the sunshine streaming down to kiss our cheeks! amen! i hate cold weather. i detest it. i loathe it. i'm going to die in london.
2) the shoes on our feet, branded or not. we have shoes to protect us from the blistering heat of the roads, from any rocks or stones or glass on the floor.
3) lamp posts located every 20 metres. singapore's so bright!
4) the opportunity to even take time to slow down and appreciate things around us. :D

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.- Hebrews 10:23

~~He's~~ my way

Sunday, May 14, 2006

RAINBOWS

rainbows appear after mighty storms,
when things look their very worst.
just when the skies are darkest grey,
look for the rainbow first.

the rainbow is a sign of God's promise,
that he will guide us through any storm.
that he will see us through all our troubles,
no matter what their form.

when you feel battered by life's storms,
and you are filled with doubt and dismay.
just remember God's rainbow is coming-
it's only a prayer away.

rainbow. the Lord has promised me a rainbow. :) Jesus reigns! Jesus reigns!!!
it's a sunday and i'm happy. i'm rejuvenated. :)
seek the Father. Lord, pull me out of my comfort zone. i want MOOORE! :)

happy mother's day. :)

~~He's~~ my way

Saturday, May 13, 2006

hello-wello!

i do not know why, but i'm back at blogspot again. hmm. i hope i get my laptop soon so that i do not have to share the computer with my brother. then i can use it as and when i like it without him breathing down my neck. he's sleeping now. hee. :D

at the crossroads of life.

went to world vision on tuesday for the under no roof famine camp meeting. yeah! we're gonna be team leaders instead of station masters! thank you, ivy! :) this is the first time i'm inside world vision and it is a stark constrast compared to habitat. God's unconditional love and the strong message and mission behind world vision was so overwhelming, something i never sensed at habitat in the past 2 years. i even forgot that habitat is a christian organisation. John 10:10 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. yes, God loves each and every of His children! He loves them so much that this organisation was set up to light up their lives. He does not want them to be deprived physically or spiritually. spiritual satisfaction. this is the first time i ever heard an organisation strive to do so for impoverished people. woow. i really felt His presence and awe-struck by His great works and love.

there are 2.2 billion children in the world, of which, 1.9 billion children are living in poverty.

24 children die of hunger or hunger-related diseases every minute.

we're so blessed!! we aren't bereft of our basic necessities. we're in one of the best education systems in the world. why are we complaining that we do not have the latest pair of nike shoes? why are we complaining about going to school when children in other countries do not even have the chance to step into one? Father, thank you for blessing me and allowing me to live a sheltered life. thank you for providing everything in my life!

the message was so poignant. so poignant that i was utterly ashamed that i actually forgotten the feeling and the drive that was in me. the drive to strive to do something. to do something for anyone of those trapped in the vicious cycle of poverty. i felt so rejuvenated after the meeting there was a burning desire to do something. in the midst of planning now. :) Lord, guide me!

oops. i'm ranting.

editing my jie's resume now. -argh- i just sent my accommodation application to UCL. feel a little hesistant about firmly accepting the place in uni. four years leh. it's gonna be exciting. yet scary. never mind, my Lord will be with me! :D

this is my world.

~~He's~~ my way